So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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