I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
