if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
