But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have aggressive nipples.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
