Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
