did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
