This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
