And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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