We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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