I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
