I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
