Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
