woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
