Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
