I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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