We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
