she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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