Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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