I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
