Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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