I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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