im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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