Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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