google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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