I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
