Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
