The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
