two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
