and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
