I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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