Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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