i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
