Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize