Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
