I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's even glitter on my cock...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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