i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
