theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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