at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
