Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
