Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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