I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
