I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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