this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
