at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
