last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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