I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
