Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
