Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
