she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
