bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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