i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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