the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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