for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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