found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
