Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
