wakey wakey hands off snakey
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
