How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
