he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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