just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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