I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
