Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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