Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There r osticjed everywhere
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
