I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
