somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
