And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
