I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
