Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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