Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
