Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They took my balls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
