how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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